Transitioning from Bottom to Top

It has been a while since I last posted so here I am almost, 3 years later, doing it all agian. The last story I wrote about which deeply touched so many was ‘The challenges of a Black Spankee’. Years later, I now write coming from the Bottom to the very Top. This is a good opportunity for me to share my personal experience and I hope people will find it inspiring. I cannot describe how personal this journal entry is to my journey, less emotive than my first, but I hope you enjoy.

The topics in this journal entry are as follows. Feel free to jump to a particular area, or read through it all:

1. My Background Story

2. How I Transitioned

3. Being A Top

4. In The Community As A Top

5. My Personal Advice

6. To Conclude & My Gratitude

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My Background Story

I came out on the scene as a bottom, switching from time to time. My initial perception of being on the scene was that females would predominantly be Bottoms and male as Tops. This is what I had read about and seen in many spanking drawings and stories, but also what I felt was hugely around me. The scene opened my eyes up to many strong women who no matter what position they assumed; they held an element of dominance.

Being a bottom was exciting to say the least. I made friends, explored many implements, and went to different events ranging from spanking parties to school events, on an adventure to explore who I was as a person and as a spanko, and I recorded this through photography seen on my profile.

I explored a lot of my switching with close friends. My bottoming days soon came to an end, as I transitioned into a Top – a position that felt natural, exciting and was the very core of who I was within my kink. During my time as a bottom, I connected with many experienced spanking fetishists and went to spanking parties in the wider kink community where I observed interactions, as well as engaging in play, watching and going to tutorials on how to use implements, and educating myself on how to conduct spanking safely.

How I Transitioned

I was very nervous transitioning from a Bottom to Top. I did not know how my friends or people I had played with and met would react. There was that concern of not being ‘taken seriously’ or that I was not fitting in as a Top. Furthermore, that I did not have the dominance to be seen in a position of authority.

When I first came out as a Top, I did it to a close-knit group of friends in the community – which was a safe space to be myself in. And the response from these girls was super supportive and reassured me that my worries were smaller than I thought and that I would be accepted as a Top. This gave me the confidence to eventually come out on Fetlife, starting with a picture posted of myself in a position of power, legs crossed, in an elegant dress, heels and a necklace and holding a hairbrush to demonstrate my change. This was me coming out as a Top.

Many people were surprised – it took a while for some to adjust, but all in all, the response was mostly positive. Following on from this photo, I posted more photos of myself Topping, to get the message across, and I received many more supportive comments and private messages, lots of them.

I am not ashamed of my journey, and it has made me the formidable Top I am today and within the community I associate with. I am very open about my past and this is indicated through my photos as it is how I explored the Spanko that I am. Since my transition from bottom to Top, I have received endless support, kind messages and respect for my journey. To my surprise, I received many messages from many male Tops who have a fear of coming out as bottoms or switches due to the same fears I had coming out as a Top. Although it was great to know that people connected on that level, this also indicated that there are many Tops/Bottoms out there who struggle to come out. This is clearly a problem within our community and something that requires a change in perception.

Being A Top

Being a Top for me is hugely fulfilling. I get sucked into the power dynamic, and enjoy the dominance, the scolding, the act of spanking, and the psychological aspect of it which includes the ritual, the fear of a bottom knowing they are to be punished, the trust the bottom puts in you when vulnerable, and the care I can provide afterwards. Just all of it.

I am described by both my partner and those I play with, as formidable, strict, caring, nurturing, maternal, and firm but fair. Quite the surprise to some, but not the surprise to many others. This role feels like I embrace my whole self when providing discipline to those who crave it. My experience as a Top is closely tied to my experience as a bottom, I.e understanding spanking on an emotional, psychological and physical level. For example, my experience of being spanked by Tops in the past, and my understanding of how to use implements has made me hyper aware of how to spank correctly and safely.

In The Community As A Top

I have been on a whirlwind of a journey in recent years, but the last couple of years have been extraordinary. I have been part of an amazing UK spanko community going to various events and engaging in play with other people. I have also been lucky to have been welcomed into various communities also including The LBD, meeting people on an international scale and being able to have opportunities to travel overseas. I have had so many incredible experiences and I am forever grateful to have made so many wonderful memories.

On a personal level, I have been fortunate to play with many different people, exploring and understanding different play styles, roleplays and scenarios as well as playing purely for fun. I have started to find that building friendships and connections on a deeper level enhances the level of play with an individual where you can focus more on play which is much more meaningful. Recently, I have been on a journey of self-discovery and I am happy to be exploring more focused play with my mentee and play partner. Having focused play does not mean a stop to playing with others but reducing how many others I play with, so I can continue to build on deeper levels of play with those closer connections.

My Personal Advice

Based on personal experience, my advice is for anyone transitioning or who goes both ways, don’t hold back on who you are, and there are many people including myself who will support you. If the fear is huge to come out on FL, come out to some trusted close friends within the community who will be there for you. I would also say to ask questions, educate yourself, observe and take on constructive feedback, as I am sure others who relate can pass on their advice and experience.

To Conclude & My Gratitude

On my journey, I have been lucky to have met and connected with people around the world. I have also been lucky to go to events, socials, and to build close friendships that go beyond kink and have become a part of my vanilla life. The last 4 years has got me involved in the wider Fet community and especially the spanko community.

My mentor has seen me grow; starting from the bottom to where I am now as a Top. He was and is the role model to a safe, sane, respected, and trustworthy experienced Top. I learnt so much from you, both as a bottom and to the Top that I am today. I have blossomed from your years of wisdom, support, encouragement, personal development, and role-modelling. My demeanour has developed in part from my mentoring journey with you.

Lastly, I have also had the opportunity to play with so many amazing bottoms, and co-topping with some brilliant Tops. I cannot name you all, but you know who you are! Thank you for some of the photos and memories made and I look forward to making more.

BLM Movement: Supporting your fellow Black and Ethnic Minority Groups in the Community

Over the course of the Coronavirus, we have seen another pandemic appear. A racism pandemic. Spiralled up once again from the recent killing of George Floyd in the US, many have taken to the streets globally and to social networks to support the movement as well as justice for George Floyd. Supporters come from many size and shapes, from different countries and from different races.

How long do we have to protest, to fight our right to be equal, to not be discriminated against by the colour of our skin, to be heard?I hear this time and time again. I say this time and time again. I experience it time and time again.

My ancestors suffered, my grandparents suffered, my parents suffered, I have suffered…

Our suffering comes in the form of discrimination, social injustice and years upon years of oppression which leads back to the slave trade.

So what is this suffering exactly you may ask? Ok, well without going too much into detail about it, but it clearly is discrimination in all areas of sectors from education to employment. All we ask is to be treated as an equal, not by the colour of our skin, but be judged by our talents, skills, qualifications, personalities. Because that is what every human possesses regardless of gender, race, sexuality, identity, background etc.

So how do we ask those in the fet community to help? What does actual support mean? And I don’t just mean, changing your profile photo black, or joining a protest with a sign saying ‘Black Lives Matter’, it goes way beyond that. Because in a few weeks or months, it will be forgotten all over again unless you use action to make a difference and make change.

So what can I do to help my fellow ethnic minority members?

Here are some tips on how you can ACTIVELY support your fellow kinksters or vanilla acquaintances:

• EDUCATION: Speak to Black and minority groups, get to understand and know their struggles. Let them educate you. Also read books from black and minority authors, watch black movies on Netflix. Remind yourself about the history.

• FUNDRAISE: Start a fundraising campaign that would help people in your community to help them in need. Alternatively donate to small businesses / start-ups.

• INVEST: Buy/Purchase goods and services from minority establishments and businesses – This is hugely important.

• RECOGNISE: that there are people of colour amongst your community and be sensitive regarding language we use as well as perceptions. (See blog ‘Reddened Bottom’ – Challenges of being a Black Spankee).

• CELEBRATE: Employ, promote, and speak about Black and minority achievement and success all over the community and be proud.

By doing anyone of these tips above, you are actively playing a part in supporting this movement.

My ancestors suffered, my grandparents suffered, my parents suffered, I have suffered. The question now is, will my children suffer? Don’t let them. Help them. Support them.

Challenges of being a Black Spankee – The ‘reddened’ bottom

For those of you who have met me, for those of you who don’t know me, my pictures may suggest what I like and look like, but do not represent my unheard voice.

In light of recent events of the BLM Movement, but also by having an open in depth conversation with my sister and dear best friend Tearoha about some of the challenges and insecurities us women with certain features face today. I often do not voice my opinions unless I feel it deeply concerns me, but also because I am an introverted individual and somewhat of a private person. This is my time to voice and express myself.

• Let us start this off with a questionable thought: Why do we need to use the term ‘red-bottom’?

I am a spankee. I am a woman. I am BLACK.

Being a black spankee within a predominantly white spanko/fet community has its challenges and you may not be aware. But I am aware. Infact, I am very aware, conscious, highly vigilant, and unapologetically observant.

We are not going to get into the specifics of why there are not many black spankees in the community, or ‘where are they are all hiding’. No, we are not. I am here to inform of the many struggles I (and perhaps others) may face being a black spankee in the community.

Throughout my spanking journey and over the last year especially, it has occurred to me that there is this ‘idealistic’ description and image of that is seen as a ‘traditional spankee’. By this I mean referring to the good old-fashioned days where domestic discipline and school corporal punishment were the norm. We know of ancient books, old comics and some aged videos that are predominately with spankees who are white, often who are women, over a man’s knee getting some form of correction for misdemeanours beyond that requires just a simple telling off.

Within these images you would always see a small, perhaps thinly shaped young white woman, long hair, small waist, who has a cute red bottom. This is where my problems begin.

• Why do we need to use the term ‘red-bottom’? This automatically discriminates against spankees who cannot produce a red bottom after being soundly spanked

In a world and country where we are more diverse than ever, many people still have their idealistic vision of what the ‘perfect’ spankee looks like. That is white, thin, small, young and in some cases the gender of a woman.

I am conscious that I do not fit this image and mostly that because I am a black young woman. I get messages occasionally by men who would like to ‘redden’ my bottom or make my bottom go ‘bright pink’. I get these A LOT. A typical bottom that goes red after a spanking is those mostly of a white race. I understand that one of the thrills and likes of a spanker is seeing the ‘glow of a well spanked bottom’. But what does this glow mean? Red? Pink? Purple?

Automatically this singles me out. My bottom does not glow, redden nor does it go pink after a spanking. You will be lucky to see a darkish maroon-purplish colour, but mostly when I’m bruised. Most of the time my skin colour goes darker usually with a hand spanking. When I am strapped, tawsed, belted or caned quite hard, my bottom shows white marks. I have been asked several times about this by some uneducated unaware people or simply by people who have not had the fortunate experience of connecting with a black spankee or indeed, being able to spank them.

My non-red bottom does not always appeal to some spankers out there. It disturbingly seems like I am ‘not a fit’ to some events out there, some groups out there and some individuals out there. The sad reality is that they have not yet to connect with me personally to find out who I truly am, rather they look at my images and see that my bottom doesn’t give them the same experiences of a white girl. When truly the ideal spanking session is based on the connections you make, the personalities you explore and the non-discrimination on silly generalisations that all spankees can have a reddened bottom. No, not all. And certainly not mine.

• Again, I ask: Why do we need to use the term ‘red-bottom’? This automatically discriminates against spankees who can not produce a red bottom after being soundly spanked. But why not use the term ‘hot bottom’ or ‘sore-bottom’? That sounds very inclusive to me, don’t you think?

Usually at events, small gatherings where spanking is involved, I am ‘different’.  People may not approach me at an event or as an individual because by bottom does not redden like what they ‘know’ or are ‘used to’. I sometimes feel some people are intrigued by my bottom because they have never seen a black bottom being spanked before. But it is the same as spanking any other bottom, with the only exception that my skin tone goes darker or turns white.

For those in the community who have met me, would describe me as fun, cheeky, naughty and playful. But those who have had conversations with me would know that I go beyond this perception and have more to me than what is shown through my images, or even my profile.

My gratitude:

Despite being a black spankee, I do feel I have made good friends in the community, who indeed understand that a spanking is a spanking no matter the colour of your skin and there are people who do see me as just and only a fellow spankee. I also am grateful for those who look out for me, as there sadly has been some racially inappropriate comments to my pictures. And I am appreciative and grateful for all the positive compliments I have received on my bottom.

This is not an attack, this is to simply open up and inform you that yes, I am a black woman, and yes although I may not fit what some people may see as the ‘perfect spankee’, I am still a person, a woman, a spankee and a member of your community. See me for what I am, for my personality, for my charm, for my cheekiness, for my intelligence and allow me to express my feelings.

Never look at me and see me as a person of colour, but instead embrace my difference. Don’t be scared, don’t be shy and don’t hide away, because difference IS exciting, difference IS educational, and difference CERTAINLY IS worth exploring.

Let’s not assume all bottoms can be made to go red, it is Taking The PIS away from reality.

Let’s not assume all bottoms can be made to go red, it does not represent diversity, inclusiveness and certainly is not a true picture of reality