It has been a while since I last posted so here I am almost, 3 years later, doing it all agian. The last story I wrote about which deeply touched so many was ‘The challenges of a Black Spankee’. Years later, I now write coming from the Bottom to the very Top. This is a good opportunity for me to share my personal experience and I hope people will find it inspiring. I cannot describe how personal this journal entry is to my journey, less emotive than my first, but I hope you enjoy.
The topics in this journal entry are as follows. Feel free to jump to a particular area, or read through it all:
1. My Background Story
2. How I Transitioned
3. Being A Top
4. In The Community As A Top
5. My Personal Advice
6. To Conclude & My Gratitude
My Background Story
I came out on the scene as a bottom, switching from time to time. My initial perception of being on the scene was that females would predominantly be Bottoms and male as Tops. This is what I had read about and seen in many spanking drawings and stories, but also what I felt was hugely around me. The scene opened my eyes up to many strong women who no matter what position they assumed; they held an element of dominance.
Being a bottom was exciting to say the least. I made friends, explored many implements, and went to different events ranging from spanking parties to school events, on an adventure to explore who I was as a person and as a spanko, and I recorded this through photography seen on my profile.
I explored a lot of my switching with close friends. My bottoming days soon came to an end, as I transitioned into a Top – a position that felt natural, exciting and was the very core of who I was within my kink. During my time as a bottom, I connected with many experienced spanking fetishists and went to spanking parties in the wider kink community where I observed interactions, as well as engaging in play, watching and going to tutorials on how to use implements, and educating myself on how to conduct spanking safely.
How I Transitioned
I was very nervous transitioning from a Bottom to Top. I did not know how my friends or people I had played with and met would react. There was that concern of not being ‘taken seriously’ or that I was not fitting in as a Top. Furthermore, that I did not have the dominance to be seen in a position of authority.
When I first came out as a Top, I did it to a close-knit group of friends in the community – which was a safe space to be myself in. And the response from these girls was super supportive and reassured me that my worries were smaller than I thought and that I would be accepted as a Top. This gave me the confidence to eventually come out on Fetlife, starting with a picture posted of myself in a position of power, legs crossed, in an elegant dress, heels and a necklace and holding a hairbrush to demonstrate my change. This was me coming out as a Top.
Many people were surprised – it took a while for some to adjust, but all in all, the response was mostly positive. Following on from this photo, I posted more photos of myself Topping, to get the message across, and I received many more supportive comments and private messages, lots of them.
I am not ashamed of my journey, and it has made me the formidable Top I am today and within the community I associate with. I am very open about my past and this is indicated through my photos as it is how I explored the Spanko that I am. Since my transition from bottom to Top, I have received endless support, kind messages and respect for my journey. To my surprise, I received many messages from many male Tops who have a fear of coming out as bottoms or switches due to the same fears I had coming out as a Top. Although it was great to know that people connected on that level, this also indicated that there are many Tops/Bottoms out there who struggle to come out. This is clearly a problem within our community and something that requires a change in perception.
Being A Top
Being a Top for me is hugely fulfilling. I get sucked into the power dynamic, and enjoy the dominance, the scolding, the act of spanking, and the psychological aspect of it which includes the ritual, the fear of a bottom knowing they are to be punished, the trust the bottom puts in you when vulnerable, and the care I can provide afterwards. Just all of it.
I am described by both my partner and those I play with, as formidable, strict, caring, nurturing, maternal, and firm but fair. Quite the surprise to some, but not the surprise to many others. This role feels like I embrace my whole self when providing discipline to those who crave it. My experience as a Top is closely tied to my experience as a bottom, I.e understanding spanking on an emotional, psychological and physical level. For example, my experience of being spanked by Tops in the past, and my understanding of how to use implements has made me hyper aware of how to spank correctly and safely.
In The Community As A Top
I have been on a whirlwind of a journey in recent years, but the last couple of years have been extraordinary. I have been part of an amazing UK spanko community going to various events and engaging in play with other people. I have also been lucky to have been welcomed into various communities also including The LBD, meeting people on an international scale and being able to have opportunities to travel overseas. I have had so many incredible experiences and I am forever grateful to have made so many wonderful memories.
On a personal level, I have been fortunate to play with many different people, exploring and understanding different play styles, roleplays and scenarios as well as playing purely for fun. I have started to find that building friendships and connections on a deeper level enhances the level of play with an individual where you can focus more on play which is much more meaningful. Recently, I have been on a journey of self-discovery and I am happy to be exploring more focused play with my mentee and play partner. Having focused play does not mean a stop to playing with others but reducing how many others I play with, so I can continue to build on deeper levels of play with those closer connections.
My Personal Advice
Based on personal experience, my advice is for anyone transitioning or who goes both ways, don’t hold back on who you are, and there are many people including myself who will support you. If the fear is huge to come out on FL, come out to some trusted close friends within the community who will be there for you. I would also say to ask questions, educate yourself, observe and take on constructive feedback, as I am sure others who relate can pass on their advice and experience.
To Conclude & My Gratitude
On my journey, I have been lucky to have met and connected with people around the world. I have also been lucky to go to events, socials, and to build close friendships that go beyond kink and have become a part of my vanilla life. The last 4 years has got me involved in the wider Fet community and especially the spanko community.
My mentor has seen me grow; starting from the bottom to where I am now as a Top. He was and is the role model to a safe, sane, respected, and trustworthy experienced Top. I learnt so much from you, both as a bottom and to the Top that I am today. I have blossomed from your years of wisdom, support, encouragement, personal development, and role-modelling. My demeanour has developed in part from my mentoring journey with you.
Lastly, I have also had the opportunity to play with so many amazing bottoms, and co-topping with some brilliant Tops. I cannot name you all, but you know who you are! Thank you for some of the photos and memories made and I look forward to making more.